What if
by anmani
Summary: Nick and Greg have breakfast together. Written for the winterchallenge on ngchallenge at lj.


Disclaimer: They belong to the CBS and not me.

Nick dumped his bag and then himself down on the bench in the locker room. He was tired and the case he'd wrapped up 30 minutes ago still left him feeling blue. Most of the graveyard shift had already gone home and dayshift had been in for over two hours; so he relished the relative privacy of the empty locker room.

_Super Dave looked up from the dead girl and the dead dog._

"_They've been dead about 10 hours." _

_Nick squatted down next to the girl._

"_How old do you think she is, eight... nine?" _

"_About eight, but it's hard to tell when they're this dirty."_

_They both stood up and looked out over the mountains of garbage. _

"_They were dumped here." Dave gave him the sad eyes and returned to the bodies._

"_Yeah, it won't be easy to find where they came from." Nick sighed and hoped that something in the nearby trash would give them the vital clue. _

_December blew a breath of cold air in his direction and despite his warm jacket he shivered. But he preferred the cold when it came to shifting through trash; it made the stench a lot more bearable. _

"_Can I take them?" He nodded in response to Dave's question and watched as the coroner and his assistant shifted the bodies onto a gurney. _

"_Hey Stokes!" Vartann, who was still in his normal suit, called to him from just outside the manager's office. Nick looked up and waved to acknowledge the detective, then carefully made his way back towards him through the strewn garbage. "There's only been four trucks dumping in that area in the last week or so." Vartann informed him. Nick nodded. It would certainly help narrow down their search._

_5 hours later the girl had been identified and he'd had a lemon-shower to wash away the stink of decomp. He and Vartann had just spent the last two hours with her stepmother who finally confessed to have killed the girl and her dog in a rage over homework the child hadn't done._

Nick rubbed his neck hard, failing to hear Greg enter the locker room.

"Tough case?" The words came out crisp and yet still soft.

"Yeah, eight year old girl killed for not doing her homework." Nick sighed deeply and heard Greg mirror his sigh.

"How come you're still here?"

Greg sat heavily down next to him.

"Been comparing torn pieces of paper all night and didn't realize what time it was until Ecklie dropped by asking me questions about Grissom and Cath's joint leadership of the team." Nick shot him a warning look.

"Don't worry I just said that I was happy working for them. You know, played the innocent rookie who sees no wrong in his bosses."

Greg gave that big innocent smile that he'd always been drawn to; it was like iron to a magnet. Nick could feel his own lips come apart and break into a huge smile as well. It had always been like that, Greg would smile and he would too.

"You hungry?" Nick suddenly craved Greg's company and breakfast was a standard excuse for him, when he didn't feel like going home alone to the images of all the dead children that he'd seen over the years.

The rumble coming from Greg's stomach answered before any words were formed and caused them both to laugh.

"Breakfast it is." Nick proclaimed and patted Greg on the shoulder. An accepting nod and an even bigger smile was all he got from Greg.

They ate at a diner not far from Nick's house and they talked about old cases and old times, both steering clear of all the big traumas. It wasn't until Greg had downed his second cup of coffee that he dared go near the hard stuff.

"Nick? When you were… down there you know… did you go; what if?"

Nick looked up from his pancake and stared into the soft brown eyes across the table. He wondered how Greg knew and he searched the younger man's face for a hidden agenda, but found none. Greg had his all the way open to his soul look on and Nick felt his heart flutter.

"I did, how did ya know?" The soft honey coated southern accent flowed across the table, a sound that Greg had loved for longer than he cared to remember.

"After the… explosion" He had to force the word out, even after so long time.

"I thought about a lot of stuff afterwards." Greg's words were quiet and lacked their usual crispiness.

_What if the coin had flipped the other way?_

_What if the team hadn't been split?_

_What if I'd asked Greg out?_

_What if Greg had stayed in the lab?_

_What if Greg had stopped working after the explosion?_

_What if the explosion had never happened?_

_What if I'd asked Greg out?_

_What if Nigel Crane had never existed?_

_What if I hadn't fallen for Greg?_

_What if I'd never slept with Kristi?_

"Earth to Nick!" Greg waved a hand in front of him and he shook his head.

"Where did you go man?" The concern in Greg's voice and eyes touched him deeply and his stomach did a summersault. Nick felt the burning tinge in his face and looked down on what was once a pancake, apparently it had an accident with a blender while he had been down memory lane.

"I… eh I… I was remembering… what… what I thought about… down there." Nick stuttered not knowing what was worse, the memory, the blush or Greg's openness.

"Oh! I didn't mean to…" Greg trailed off, hoping he hadn't pushed Nick too far.

"It's ok, I'm fine." Nick stated without convincing either of them.

"What if I'd gone beyond flirting with Nick?" It took a great effort to control his voice, but Greg jumped and hoped that the landing wouldn't be too hard. Nick froze as the words were digested by his brain. Greg had just staked everything without even seeing the hand he'd been dealt.

"What if I'd asked Greg out?" It was nothing but a whisper. However the effect was more powerful than any other words he'd ever uttered before in his life. Greg began breathing again and his own stomach righted itself allowing him to breathe as well. It had gone from a scary moment to a happy one and when the waitress turned up the radio blaring 'Last Christmas' it became cheesy.

The both laughed, easing the tension and Nick wondered how to go from there.

"You know it being December and all, why don't we do something Christmassy?" Greg chuckled and Nick tried to remember the last time that he'd done something that could be classified as such.

"What do ya have in mind?" With Greg it could be anything and he would almost go along with anything just to spend the day together.

"Well there's that big fair with all those decorations…" Greg stopped when he held up his hand.

"Sorry G, but my mom dragged me to them every year and it's just too many people and I don't need more decorations." Nick knew perfectly well that he was whining and that wasn't exactly what he wanted to be doing with Greg after what they had just admitted to each other.

"No problem. How about chocolate?" Greg gave him a mysterious self-important look and the magnet seemed more powerful than before. He must have looked more than puzzled because before he could ask Greg elaborated.

"Homemade chocolate goodies with marzipan and toffees." Nick could already feel the sugar-shock or maybe it was just Greg's presence and the obvious flirt that gave him a natural high.

"Sounds nice." He swallowed the nervous lump in his throat.

Greg began an eager rant about what they needed to fabricate the confectionaries traditional in his family and Nick dug out a pen and used a napkin to write a shopping list accordingly. The waitress came over and refilled their coffee smiling sweetly and humming along the umpteenth Christmas song playing. Greg kept talking with his hands illustrating his words and Nick finally understood that Greg was just as nervous as he was. He pulled out his wallet and found the bills that would cover their meal.

They left the diner and Nick stopped himself from taking Greg's hand and just holding it for the sake of holding it. Greg kept on his long rant about chocolate and what temperatures that worked best when melting it and Nick steered him to his truck. Once inside the cab Nick put a finger over Greg's mouth putting a stop to the words pouring from him.

"You're nervous, I'm nervous… so relax." Nick thought his voice sounded strange but Greg softened under his touch.

"I know, it's just weird you know?" Nick blinked a few times before looking into the very open brown eyes. His right index finger was still resting on Greg's lips and his brain zoomed in on the contour of those lips.

"I know… and I don't… well I guess…" Nick stopped and cleared his throat nervously.

"It's a big thing alright." With that he let his finger trace along Greg's upper lip and received a kiss on same finger in return.

"Yes." Greg whispered in of the sexiest voices he had ever heard. The coy look and the sparkle in the brown eyes drew Nick closer.

"Nick, not here. Can we go to your place? We could always buy the chocolate things on the way and then…"

"Sure G." He cut Greg off knowing that he couldn't concentrate on yet another long rant. All Nick wanted was to let go and give in to his inner love-struck teenager.

How they managed to shop the supplies needed for Greg's confectionaries would never be clear to him. He just remembered driving and stopping and walking and looking at Greg and listening to Greg. Then finally he was able to turn the key in his door and punch in his alarm code. Greg made a beeline for the kitchen with the shopping bags while Nick slowly got out of his boots and the heavy jacket. A guilty faced Greg came back to the hallway and shrugged out of his jacket and toed off his sneakers.

Nick brought up a shaking hand to touch Greg's face and stood as mesmerized when his act was mirrored. The faint stubble under his palm was an unaccustomed feeling, but not strange or weird like he'd thought it would be. He inched closer and closed his eyes taking a deep breath before looking up again. Greg moistened his own lips with a rapid tongue move and he ran his own tongue over the chipped excuse he had for lips. The nervousness building between them disappeared when their lips met clumsily and a little too hard.

Chuckling they both drew back a few inches and Nick wondered how it could be so hard for two guys past thirty to kiss another person. Smiling he pulled Greg closer again and managed to kiss him softly on the lips. Greg's hand still resting on his face slipped to the back of his neck and he felt Greg pull him even closer. He slid an arm around Greg's waist and parted his lips. Once again Greg mirrored his actions and their tongues met in a slow testing investigating dance.

His entire body was tingling and a unique warmth spread all the way to his toes.

"Nick." Greg panted when they broke the kiss.

"Mmh." His brain was too busy with digesting the kiss to form an actual answer.

"I'm scared." The words burned their way to his mind and he looked up and stared at Greg.

"Scared how?" The fear made his accent more pronounced and he hated that he was so obvious.

"I've never had sex with a guy." Greg's admission surprised him more than he would ever admit, mostly because he had hoped that Greg knew how to proceed.

"I've never gone all the way." Nick recalled the blowjob that he given their new pitcher back in college. The affair had been short lived since the guy broke his arm and lost his scholarship, thus having to return to his parents.

"Slow and easy?" Greg asked shyly and Nick closed his eyes and nodded.

"Slow and easy."

"How about we do something with all that chocolate?" Greg's sweet tooth got to him after a lot more of gentle kissing and careful touching.

"You're such a sugar-addict." Anyone who knew Greg had seen him digest vast amounts of candy and Nick had more than once found himself jealous of a lollipop. Greg flashed him his cheeky grin and Nick knew that his own shit-eating grin was plastered all over his face.

After four hours in the kitchen Nick was certain that the sugar had permeated into every single cell in his body and he had 'tasted' less than half of what Greg had. But the younger man seemed completely unaffected by the sugar. They both had to work in the night but neither felt like ending the day. It didn't take them long to decide upon going to Greg's apartment to sleep and Nick quickly packed some clothes and toiletries while Greg wrapped up the confectionaries they had managed to produce.

They drove to the diner to pick up Greg's car that they had left there in their eagerness to be together. Nick patiently followed after Greg the rest of the way at least he kept telling himself to be patient but the fingers drumming the steering wheel continuously told a different story. Being with Greg, dating Greg, was a thought that had returned to him several times over the years. The first time he saw the young Liam Gallagher look alike in the lab he felt instantly drawn to him. Then Greg spoke and the crisp throaty voice hit home for him.

Those who believe in love at first sight would probably claim that to have been the case. But Nick wouldn't go that far, there had been an attraction no doubt about that. It was just bad timing at the time. Greg flirted and Nick flirted back, but in a more physical way. He would touch, pat, grab and pinch the cute lab tech as much as possible and said tech would make insinuations in a husky adorable bedroom voice. Nick fidgeted in his seat as his mind raced down memory lane recalling their encounters over the years.

Maybe they would have been here sooner if they hadn't had to go through explosions and kidnappings or maybe they would never have arrived here without those incidents. He knew that he had grown up a lot in last 4 years and Greg too had become a man in the last year. So maybe it could really become forever, now where they were both searching for the same thing.

"_Nick? I want this… to last." Greg had said as he concentrated on the chocolate melting for the apricots filled with marzipan. His heart had skipped a beat and then did three in record time._

"_So do I." The nervous lump in his throat made the words sound peevish, but Greg lit up in a smile that forced him to take a deep breath. He'd put his arms around Greg from behind and just melted into the feeling of Greg._

The honk of a horn called him back to the present and he saw that the light had changed to green. At least it was the last intersection before Greg's place and he was more than happy to park his truck next to Greg's car. He flung his bag over his shoulder and handed Greg 4 of the candy filled boxes taking the last 3 self. Greg had the goofiest grin but also the softest eyes going and Nick felt like a freight train carrying emotions had run him over. His mind went from pure bliss to extreme terror in split seconds. There was an infinite number of what if scenarios presenting all the time, but the happy sappy ones dominated.

Balancing the boxes Greg unlocked his door and Nick nearly dropped his boxes when he stepped into Greg's apartment. Every available surface had some kind of decoration sitting there. There was a tree in the middle of the living room adorned with glass balls, cornets, lights, tinsel and lots of small Norwegian flags. He gasped and stared at the elfins and angels and snowmen figures sitting hanging and lying all over.

"Wow." He stammered as Greg took the boxes from him.

"Wow good or wow bad?" Greg asked quietly. Nick took a slow turn surveying the whole room and ended up face to face with Greg.

"Wow good." He whispered. Greg took the boxes into the kitchen and meanwhile Nick studied the living room in detail. When Greg came back he was staring in awe at the tree.

Greg stopped behind Nick and wrapped his arms around his waist.

"It's beautiful." Nick whispered and Greg squeezed him holding him tight against his chest.

"Thank you." The words were more felt than actually heard and Nick leaned back into the strong embrace.

"You've got a real tree with real candles?" As always when he got emotional his Texan drawl became blatantly evident and he thought it made him sound simple.

"Yeah, it's the way we've always had it at home. My mom doesn't decorate until like the 22nd or 23rd, but I've never been able to wait." He felt so safe in Greg's arms that he wished he could stay there forever.

"Our tree was plastic and the lights electrical. I think it was just easier with 7 kids in the house." He could feel Greg's laughter bubbling in the chest pressed against his back.

"My family's always been strong on tradition. The decorating and the candy-making is part of Christmas in my family." Greg pressed a kiss against his neck and Nick shivered lightly in response.

"So this is where all the crazy colors has gone." Nick stated and turned around looking into the soft hazel eyes. Greg smiled and blinked in that coy way of his.

"Nick we should really get some sleep before shift and I need to… pee." Greg said sheepishly.

"I know… well I mean… about needing sleep." Nick felt his cheeks redden and silently wondered why they acted so awkward when everything felt so right.

Nick brushed his teeth while trying to wrap his mind around the bathing Santa Claus figure sitting on the shelf beneath the bathroom mirror. It didn't help looking up because the top of the mirror had a greenish tinsel thing with read hearts on and the cup holding Greg's toothbrush was a harp-playing angel. He had been in Greg's apartment many times before but never in December so it was all new to him. Normally the place was kept rather simple and tidy apart from the many books and CD's that had yet to be read or heard.

Greg was finishing changing the covers when he entered the bedroom and Nick noticed that the hands struggling to get the pillowcase on shook lightly. He was nervous as hell and obviously so was Greg. They knew each other pretty well and they had both stated their intent earlier on, but there were still so many things they didn't know.

"Need any help?" Nick walked over to Greg and squeezed his upper arm gently.

"No, this is the last one." Greg's voice was low and though not quite in control still very sexy.

"What side do you sleep on?" Nick hadn't been in many relationships that had actually involved sleeping next to each other, but he recalled that some people were adamant about what side they would sleep on.

"Never really decided. Most of the time I've got the bed all to myself and I sleep where I fall."

Nick chose the side closest to where he was standing and Greg took the other without question.

"We have four hours to sleep in." He whispered before finding Greg's mouth. Greg just made an acknowledging sound and kissed back. They were both in boxers and t-shirts and Nick couldn't help but let a hand slide up under Greg's shirt feeling the muscled back and the scars. Greg stiffened when he ran his hand over them, but softened as he continued the motion. Soon he felt a hand exploring his backside and moaning he regretted having so little time before the next shift.

Despite the combined high of sugar and falling in love, sleep claimed them and they fell asleep wrapped in each others arms whispering words of endearment and reassurance.


End file.
